These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
