So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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