my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I could make wine with my vomit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
