Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I still have a little drunk in my system
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
