Please, let me fuck your mom
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
