Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
