You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
