Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
