How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
