First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
