Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm too high and old for this...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
