Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
