Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize