Everything about him screamed your future.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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