My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
