I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
