well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
