The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
