those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
