thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
