From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
