I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
