I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize