What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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