I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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