Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nutella sex= disaster
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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