Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
