kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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