Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize