Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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