Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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