don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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