I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
