When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
