MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
