We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
