There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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