There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
