Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
