Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
