My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
