you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
