I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
