so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
