after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
