I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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