Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
