Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
