last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
