how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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