I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
