I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
