Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
