It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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