Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize