its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
