besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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