I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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