Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
