Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
