I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
