..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
