its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize