its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
