If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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