So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
