Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
