just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
