Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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