im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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