i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
