he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
