I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize