btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
