She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
