i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
