i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
