So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
