Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
