I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
