Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
