Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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