I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
