Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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