hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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