I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
