That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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