So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
