DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
