since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
