I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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