worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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