after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
