brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
