Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
