so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
