i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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