Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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