people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
