You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize