I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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