Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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