i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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